Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
