She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is classic penis vs brain.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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