Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
