if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it glows. i had to have it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
