Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
