when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
