I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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