A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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