I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
