Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
