just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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