Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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