I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
