Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
