all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
