Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
