having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
