ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
