My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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