shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
