I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
