his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
