Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
