it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Welp...herpes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
