Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
