giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
