highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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