If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
