Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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