Kiss
Puke
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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