I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize