Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
