if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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