She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
