if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wish my penis had a tongue
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
