Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize