So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
