I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
how drunk are you?
Several
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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