We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
