some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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