Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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