Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
