...so i touched it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
