If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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