The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
