I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
