I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
