You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you never un-have a 4some
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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