apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
