I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
