I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I skipped work to stalk him.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize