Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
