Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize