his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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