cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
