I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
