"it" just moved
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
