tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
