I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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