I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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