She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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