walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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