I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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