What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
