you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
