I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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