I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
