You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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