I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
