You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
