He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
