You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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